Black / White

I think in black & white. This often makes things like life difficult. Some people think in gray, but that’s not my nature. My nature is to see a topic and think there are only two ways of looking at it, and those two ways are often complete opposites.

This is usually seen most in my relationship with Jesus. He calls us to die to ourselves and follow Him (Matthew 16:24). Okay, that makes sense. I should be willing to give up everything to follow Jesus because He gave up everything for me. But my black/white mentality tells me that I either have to be a nun in an abbey and only focus on Him or not follow Him at all.

I have responsibilities, a family, a job, bills to pay, people to see, life to live. It is neither desirable not practical for me to leave all that and finish life as a nun. I am sure He calls some women to that, but that is not my life.

Or I can choose to have those responsibilities, a family, a job, etc. and forget about Jesus altogether. There are definitely people in this world that choose this option. Is this a desirable or practical option for me?

I have learned in the short almost-two-years of being married that there are some days that I don’t feel as emotionally close to my husband than others. However, those days/seasons do not mean I am not married. They do not mean that I don’t love my husband with my whole heart. I am still a wife wherever I go and whatever I do. My love for Kasey does not waiver as days go by, and I still proactively do things to build up my relationship with him and show my love for him. But, it is neither desirable nor practical for me to give up on my responsibilities, family, job, etc. to focus on being his wife.

Maybe it is the same way with my relationship with Jesus? Yes, Jesus wants my all, but I believe He understands we have responsibilities, family, job, etc. Maybe He wants us to keep doing those things but do them for His glory? Maybe He wants us to invite Him into those spaces and places? Maybe He wants to do life with us?

Maybe when He asked us to take up our cross and follow Him He wanted us to give up our selfish desires in responsibilities, family, job, etc. and do His will in all those things?

If you’re like me, this gray view of life can be challenging. It’s harder for me to simply invite Jesus into my spaces and places rather than an all-or-nothing approach.

My goal is to start incorporating Jesus into my life more. Whether that’s keeping cards on my desk at work with verses on them, listening to the Bible be read to me through Streetlights audio Bible, or talking to Him through my day, I want to invite Him into my life and do it with him.

Kasey and I text all day everyday. We love to communicate, and I think it keeps us close. We invite each other into our thoughts and talk about what’s going on in our lives. Why can’t it be the same with Jesus?

I think it should – maybe it’s the most important aspect we can add to our lives.